Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
