so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
