I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
