i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
