upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
