My first STD was from a foam party
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
