he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
