i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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