p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
