They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize