you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
