omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You are the jesus of drinking
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
