does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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