my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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