no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
