Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
