my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
