OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
