I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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