He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
