According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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