he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
