U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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