I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
