I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
