And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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