If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
