The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
