Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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