i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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