Michael Bay diarrhea
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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