I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Dear god my vagina.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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