Only a mothe r could love this liver
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
foreskin is a definite game changer
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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