I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
