What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
