Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
