I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
