What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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