everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
