well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
