your thong is hanging out like whoa
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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