Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
