Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she peed on how many people?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
