I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How does one acquire holy water?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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