he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just forgot I was standing up.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
