I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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