i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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