listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The beer is more important than you right now.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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