It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
