watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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