I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
