Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
