I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
