here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We need to get me chipped asap
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
