She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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