last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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