Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Vodka?
Forever.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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