girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
