hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Bring me that man meat
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
