i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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