This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
