id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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