I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i dont even know how to be here
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Randomize
