my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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