I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
