dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
