I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
