I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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