wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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