Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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